You know what you're supposed to do. You just don't do it.
Sarge is the AI drill sergeant who tracks your food, training, and sleep — and gets in your face until you do.
Eat real food.
Train hard.
Sleep like you mean it.
Time to raise the standard.
Track it in chat.
Talk to Sarge like you'd text a personal trainer — what you ate, what you trained, how you slept. He tracks it all and coaches you on it. No trackers to sync, no accounts to link. You know how much sleep you got — the math isn't so hard you need a surveillance band to tell you.
Pick your mission.
Choose a goal to be coached on.
Tracking
Your accountability partner. Log it all — he sorts it out and surfaces the patterns. Where everyone starts.
Weight Loss
Focus on nutrition — a calorie deficit built around the foods you actually eat.
Build Strength
Focus on training — coaching for any style, any split routine.
Boot Camp
Accountability with teeth. Nail every metric or hear about it.
Under the weather? Log a sick day and he eases the load while you recover — then expects you back.
Climb the ranks.
Respect is earned in-app by doing the work that matters most for your goal. Everyone starts at zero with Sarge. Show up, do the work — he notices. You skip, you slack, you disappear — he notices that too. Hit all three pillars and earn the salute.
Work = Respect = Results
Suffer together.
Invite-only squads for the people you actually train with. Talk trash, watch each other show up, and summon Sarge to comment on the action.
- Invite-Only
No strangers, no directory, no handles. Your link, your people — that's the whole roster.
- Summon Sarge
@sarge pulls him into the thread. He coaches off what the squad says and posts — your private file stays between you and him.
- Encrypted End-To-End
Squad chat is sealed on your devices. We relay messages we can't read. The trash talk stays your business.
He keeps
nothing.
Your data is stored on your device. Your chats pass through us untouched — walk away tomorrow and there's nothing of yours to delete. Most fitness apps harvest data behind a workout UI; this one is the opposite.
- On Your Device
Every log — meals, workouts, sleep, Sarge's notebook — lives in your browser's storage, not on a server you don't control.
- Nothing Retained
Chats run through attested confidential-compute enclaves — zero retention, no training, no copies kept here.
- No Account
No email, no password, no login. Nothing to breach, sell, or subpoena.
You can choose to have Sarge keep an encrypted copy of your logs, sealed with a 12-word phrase — the same standard as a bitcoin wallet. We store bytes we can't read, link, or decrypt; hold the words, you hold the only key. Or lock it with Face ID instead — the passkey never touches our servers either.
Share your ROAST.
Sarge has a way with words and will roast you regularly. Long press any message from him to share with friends.
Report for duty.
No handholding. No shortcuts. Just the work and a voice that won't let you quit.
ENLIST NOW