Pricing
Free, he answers. Enlisted, he comes after you.
Start free on your phone: three messages a day (five on your first), photos included, no sign-up, no card. Enlist when you want him on your case all day.
For as long as you like.
- Talk to him 3 times a day (5 on your first), photos included (logging by hand never counts)
- He reads your plate and logs it
- Your respect rank, and his face changes with it
- Missions and their targets
- A set line from him when your rank moves or a mission starts or ends
- One set text from him each evening, about 6 PM
- Join a squad a friend invites you to
Paying in bitcoin? $8 a month, $40 for six.
Enlist from the app, whenever you're ready. Your log and his notebook come with you.
Everything free has, plus
- No daily message count
- He texts first, up to three a day, about what you actually did
- His own words when your rank moves or a mission starts or ends
- Every button: Train, Eat, Status, Poke
- Start a squad and call @sarge into it
Every payment is one-time. Nothing auto-renews. Pay by card, or in bitcoin over Lightning. When your time runs out you're back on free, and your log stays put.
What enlisting buys
He doesn't wait to be opened.
He texts you.
Not canned reminders. Up to three a day, written from what you actually did today. Or didn't. On free he sends one set text, in the evening.
Chase that protein floor early, not at 9 PM with a sad spoonful of peanut butter. Move.
Recruit, five days since you last touched iron and today's a training day sitting there unspent. Get in that gym tonight and put dinner to work. Two birds, one evening. Move.
Fine print
What counts as a message on free?
Every message you send him, typed or a photo. Three a day (five on your first day), and three more at midnight your time. Tapping his answer boxes, logging by hand and the shortcut buttons never count.
Is enlisted really no count?
No daily message count. The Terms carry a fair-use limit, sized for about 25–40 messages a day, every day — busy days borrow from quiet ones. It's there to stop scripts and shared accounts.
What happens when my time runs out?
Nothing bills you. You're back on free: three messages a day, with your log and his notebook where you left them. Enlist again whenever you like.
Where does my data live?
On your phone. Your logs stay there, and the backup is encrypted with a key only you hold. We can't open it.
Start free. Enlist when he's earned it.
Three messages a day, no card. When you want him texting first, it's $9.
Try Sarge free